Darkness becomes wolf

Most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one’s mistakes- Oscar Wilde.

He steps outside, the glare so bright and swift to the iris he frowns.  The day was looking promising last night but the feeling of this is now a distant memory as he humps his shoulders and breathes a sigh.  He looks over to his left and there it is, the white flecks of light showing the start of the blizzard.  He doesn’t know it yet but this is the best part of his day as the worst is yet to come.

Somewhere not too distant from the man is the beast waiting in the dark.  The black monstrous creature akin to a wolf.  This is where all their problems lie, this is where the meek and old promises go to rot.  The promises that ceased to deliver a cause, the problems shoved down the thickest of throats.  The dark wolf, of course, lives in a cave and none of the towns people venture within a hundred yards of it for fear they will get sniffed out.  The wolf is centuries old and is simply named Regret.

The man is new to the town and this is the day he wished to venture into the city to meet some folk and talk about the myth behind the wolf.  He secretly believes it’s his mission to solve the mystery behind it.  It cannot be stopped, though, because the wolf gets hungrier every day and is fed just the right amount for him to flourish.  The snowflakes become increasingly frequent but the man decides to ignore the impending blizzard and make his way into the city anyway.

The ride into town is fairly uneventful even if he had hitched a couple of rides with some towns people.  It is much busier then the man expects with people hustling around him to get home in time to avoid the storm.  He passes the diner and heads towards the library.  The wind and snow are getting strong now threatening to jostle the note of ‘closure‘ off the library door.  Damn, I’m not going to get anywhere today, he’s discouraged and annoyed.  He heads towards the local supermarket to prepare for the storm thinking wolf slaying will have to wait until it passes.  Almost to the supermarket he passes the town square noticing the statue towering to the right of him.  He walks over to take a peak and read the name of the brass hunter now in front of him.

‘Brice Howard, who died fighting to rid the town of evil 1864‘.

“Was a strong man but then them wolf go in and take him alive”.  She was old with dark grey hair and uneven red lipstick.  He thought to walk away but then again maybe his luck had changed and the old woman would spill the beans on it all, as the towns people on the way into the city refused to speak to him about it.  “Tell me more” He said, the old woman just nodded and motioned for him to follow.

“But the library…” he trailed off when the old woman produced a set of keys almost as old as her in front of the library steps.  Again the motioning for him to follow, this time with a long, bony finger.  They proceeded to travel around the outside of the brick building to the back where an old wooden door stood in between the brick clearly not belonging.  She opened the door and they went inside, the musty smell pungent.  It was a smaller room than he expected a corridor leading the way to a small cement room with a round oak table.  On top of the table is a book.

He scoffs, “Is this a spell book?”.  The old woman just laughs.  No, it’s the town’s history book.  “Them’s all in there, ya don’t look half-baked so best lock up when done” and with that a smudge of her teal dress and she is gone.

The book is heavy and layered with dust.  He turns the pages until he comes to nearly the end and there it reads;

FOLKLORE OF REGRET

A goodly length in times past, deep regret is the town folks weg.  The wolf come hither, verily it is so. Behest from towns folk not met, the wolf torment ond bane.  Nawa the wolf cwellan.

He shuts the book, confused and concerned.  What does it all mean? He’s still convinced he can kill Regret and proceeds to make his way towards the woods to look for the exact cave that he saw in the book.

The beast sits in the cool dark waiting and knowing the man is close by the taste of meat in the air.  He’s taken many a folk and thinks nothing of this next victim.  It licks its pointy and sharp teeth with a long wet tongue.  The man sees the cave from afar and makes his way towards it…

I wish I could tell you that the wolf dies and the man is able to put up a decent fight, but life is no fairytale.

I think these days people have less responsibility for their circumstances and its easier to blame outside sources when you’re not happy with something in your life.  The best thing you can do is to try to live your life so that regrets are not a prominent feature and you live for everyday, mistakes and all.  You will always have regrets if you fear making mistakes or taking chances.  A way I find helps is to see all situations as learning lessons and to remember that past experiences are what has made us who we are today.  Is there someway you can think or act differently so that regrets don’t rule your thinking? What is it you regret and is there something that you can do about it? If not then how about moving on so as not to feed the beast waiting in the dark.

What if what?

A Sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?–
Jane Wagner

 

But what if I fail of my purpose here? It is but to keep the nerves at strain, to dry one’s eyes and laugh at a fall, and baffled, get up and begin again– Robert Browning

I’m a firm believer in learning from other people and if you open your eyes the ability to learn life lessons are all around you.  The theme of my week this week was what if; I had quite a few people (including my internal dialogue) say to me what if so this allowed me to think of these two words that have more meaning than just worrying about the future.

I believe that there has to be someone in the world that has felt the same way you and I have, all human emotions must have been felt by more than one person.  It’s nice when you get this validation from others so you don’t feel alone in your thinking or feeling.  I think this is an opportunity to change the thought or feeling if it’s causing you grief.

Thinking or saying what if is usually a problem for me, I feel anxious and fear creeps in causing me to get annoyed with myself and others.  I am well aware of what it does to me and if it does this to me what reactions does it cause for others?  I had an opportunity to learn from a patient I looked after the other day that sparked something in me to change my outlook finally.  She was worried about flying as she had come in with chest pain (not a heart attack) and was worried that she would have a heart attack in the future.  She asked me if she could travel and I said that she could, with which she replied; “but what if I have a heart attack in the air or overseas”.  Without thinking I told her that life is full of what ifs and you cannot live in fear of something happening, I’m very good at giving advice and then not listening to it only this time it was different.  The fear was set on her face and she wanted to believe me but her expression said she wasn’t quite ready yet. There it was; my own contradiction staring at me in the face threatening to pull me under with her fear and mine a strong case to crack.  I felt like myself was staring me in the face and I saw how I might come across when I feel this way especially to my husband who cops most of my anxious issues and luckily is not an anxious person himself.   It’s been an ongoing process for me to ‘fix’ this aspect of myself over the years but particularly since the start of the year when I wanted to make a change as I could feel what impact anxiety was having on me.  Since then I have become aware of my triggers and thoughts and how best to try to reverse them.  It’s an ongoing process and slowly I am getting there and I am grateful to have moments like these that I can learn from.  This interaction with the patient was a moment I won’t forget in a hurry.  It was a final realisation and an opportunity for me to see how I don’t want to live.

Life will always be full of what ifs that are out of our control, we aren’t supposed to know everything or be able to protect ourselves and others from all things.  Why focus on circumstances that cause more worry and unnecessary stress.  Do you think or say what if?  What would happen if you stopped doing it? I imagine the same as if you were to continue saying or thinking it.  Have a think about the what ifs that might be flooding into your life and are they wasting your energy?

What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream?–  Woody Allen

Storytime

You’re awoken suddenly, a confronting dream stirring you from a deep slumber.  The air is thin and crisp, the shiver runs from your neck down causing you to grimace.  It’s winter in a deserted place that’s unfamiliar, you look around wearily and see a long, windy cobble path in front of you and on opposite sides of the path are two seemingly complete opposite restaurants.  For such a deserted place these restaurants appear full of people, the chatter deafening.  You think of taking refuge in one of them as you have sudden pangs of hunger and wish to take shelter from the freezing cold.  You see that outside both restaurants is the menu in which you can peruse before making you make your mind up at which one to dine.  You head over to the left hand side one and read their menu…

             OPENING HOURS- 24/7

Welcome to the Negative Chatter Restaurant where the menu isn’t appetising, the staff aren’t friendly, the food is overpriced and the atmosphere is bleak.  The critics rate it poorly, yet it’s still a popular hangout amongst people from all walks of life.  Our Specials on the menu today are;

1. Can’t do caviar –  This is a very popular dish but certainly doesn’t leave you feeling full and like the name suggests are small balls that block motivation.  In real terms as soon as the word ‘can’t’ is mentioned this automatically blocks your ability to attempt challenges in your life.  We are our own worst critic and can’t is a popular word for many people including myself at times.

2. Insecure insidious salad –  This mainstream menu item like the name suggests gradually picks at your self-esteem and helps to feed those negative thoughts inside your head.  It creeps up on you when you least expect it and helps you to react in a less ideal way.  I find it helps to question these negative thoughts before you deem them true.  I struggle with insecurity as I think everyone does, but these days I’ve learnt to listen to the inner chatter and know when it’s just an insecure thought vs a truth.

3. Worthless wontons –  Now, there’s nothing wrong with wontons at all,  it’s just when you bite into them do you actually know every ingredient you are eating? Feelings of worthlessness are similar to a wonton in that you don’t really know why that feeling is there sometimes.  Unknown places, things and people can trigger you to feel worthless.  This is one that I try to turn immediately around with a counteracting positive thought.

4. Unhappy umbrella cakes –  What are umbrella cakes? good question! I have no idea, I just made them up for the sake of this post.  You see, an umbrella covers a person and like an umbrella unhappiness shelters the person with a cloud of negativity.  Of course it’s impossible to be happy every moment but I try to be mindful of my reactions and thoughts when unhappiness covers me.  Think of positivity as the sun, if you have an umbrella up then the sun won’t touch you.

5. Don’t Even Try dessert –  This is not a sweet dessert, in fact it’s a pretty sour thought to not even attempt the things you want to achieve.  Before starting this blog I heard the ‘don’t even try’ negative chatter voice directed at me and well it’s pretty obvious I choose to ignore it.  This menu item links in with the next food item and you can have them separate or as an accompaniment.

6. Fear of failure falafel – A deep-fried dish and another popular menu item amongst all kinds of folk.  A great accompaniment to our no. 5 menu item or on its own either way the taste of negativity and regret will leave a strong taste long past your taste buds.  I always think, what’s the harm in trying? I think regret feels worse than failure.

You decide you’ve read enough to know what they serve, so you decide to peruse the other restaurant and wander over that way to read their menu.

         OPENING HOURS- 24/7

Welcome to the Positive Power Restaurant where on the flip side to our neighbours across from us we are not a poorly executed venue.  We pride ourselves on a more positive hangout and a place most people would rather be, but they struggle to demolish the negative chatter inside their heads instead.  The atmosphere is calm, the staff are friendly and approachable, the food is of five star quality and rated quite highly amongst people of all ages and backgrounds.  Please read our menu and decide for yourself if this is the place you wish to spend your time at;

1. Can do soup of the day –  This is a popular dish and despite being just soup leaves you feeling quite full.  If you pick this menu item then you have the motivation to accomplish what you wish to.  Turn your can’t words into can do but I find this isn’t always easy and it takes practice.  If you think you can’t than you’re right, same goes with thinking you can do something.

2. Worthy whipped cream –  This smooth dish whips you into shape and certainly not the physical kind! When you feel worthy you feel valued and this helps with boosting your self-esteem positively.  When you feel valued you can often do more whilst feeling motivated to do so.

3. Secure caesar salad –  This salad has just the right ingredients to help you to pick and choose what you need to do in order to feel secure.  By choosing your own path you make a decision not to ask others for permission to live the life you choose.  Are you secure in your decisions and have you been the one making them?

4. Believe in success steak –  How do you have your steak? If you don’t believe in yourself then how do you expect others too? This should be an important aspect to positive living.  You can accomplish anything if you set your mind to believing in yourself and the possibilities around you.  The most important person to believe in you is yourself first.

5. Faithful fries –  A deep-fried dish so not exactly healthy for you but gives you the option to dip into all aspects of life, have faith in what you’re doing and know that where you are is just where you need to be right now.  Concentrate on having faith in yourself and the things you wish to do and live positively.

You decide you’ve read enough to choose which side you want to be on.  You won’t always pick the right dish in the menu of life but all you need to do is wake up to the fact that you have a choice and you can reverse the negative chatter in your mind if you decide too.  I regularly dine at both restaurants and there was a brief time where I didn’t even know the positive restaurant was waiting on the other side.  I know it’s a choice now and a belief in how you wish to live.  I don’t think it’s my place to tell you how to reverse the negative chatter as I feel everyone knows or can find a way to demolish it themselves.

I will share some ideas with you, though, in case you feel a bit stuck like I did so many years ago.  I personally reverse it by questioning the negative chatter.  For example if I wish to do something or achieve something and I hear the negative chatter voice go off and it says  I can’t do something I say to it why not? Often there is no answer or if I’m feeling insecure or having a negative day, which we all do, there is plenty of answers why I can’t.  It’s a choice on whether to follow the negative voice or choose the often difficult path of facing your fears.  It’s not as easy and simple as the classic angel and devil voices or ‘good’ and ‘bad’ because humans are complicated and life is not always easy, but I have found it does get easier to distinguish the negative chatter the more you become aware of it.  The negative chatter is fearful, anxious, indecisive, vindictive and destructive.  The other side is clear, direct, precise, positive, guiding and loving.  Often the other voice (I’m being careful to not say ‘positive’) is often drowned out by the negative chatter voice because it’s often quieter, but you can hear it if you pay attention to it and focus on it by demolishing the negative chatter voice.

Which restaurant did you decide to dine and spend your day at today? which one will you choose to spend your time, create memories and live your life in? You just never know when your last meal will be.

There’s no time like

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment-  Buddha

The present moment;  it’s where everything right now is happening.  It’s the reality point and the place that should require our focus, but often doesn’t.  The quote above is a good reminder, yet it’s a hard task to achieve.  Even if you realise that the main focus should be the present time and do your best to keep centered in this thought, distractions creep through the cracks of time and the ego nudges once more.  It’s safer to not go into detail on the ego and it’s mission, but I will say I personally agree that the ego cannot exist in current time.  If you haven’t already done so, I recommend reading about the ego as it’s an interesting topic, I just think it best I don’t start a debate with the doubtful.

Anyway back to the now, pun intended.  The present time is calming, quiet and allows you to truly focus on reality.  This reality gives you a sense of purpose as you’re not concerned with things that haven’t been done or yet to be done.  It’s a way of gaining back control and centering your thoughts.  It’s difficult, if not near impossible to constantly stay in the present time but it’s something that I think people need to pay attention to in order to feel gratuitous and focused.  Staying in the now is the key to being less stressed, only people are generally too ‘stressed’ to focus on the now, which is ironic and frustrating for them.

What about this, that and blah blah? Those can wait,  it’s important to prepare for the future but this is different to living for the future.  Don’t fall into the ‘when I get here’ trap because by then it will be some other obstacle affecting your time and happiness.  Try instead  being present which is where true happiness lies.  Focus all your attention on your task at hand and every sense should be involved in the process.  Asking yourself some questions may help;  What am I feeling?  What am I looking at?  What am I smelling?  What am I seeing? etc.  By doing this you remain focused in the moment, worry and stress seem to dissipate.  It’s difficult to maintain this, though, like all good things it takes patience and practice.  I’d like to say I’m perfect at it, don’t have a care in the world and never focus my attention on the past or future, but I never have been a good liar.

The past is probably a more sinister focal point, in that it’s not a wise idea to relive or concentrate your energy on past events or people.  What about pleasant and happy events?  These are just memories and thinking about them should not cause you to feel the need to change things.  Your past experiences are only valuable as learning lessons so do this and move on.  Once the past has concluded it’s a mere memory and not a dwell point.

The past and future are needy and require either a reaction or emotion from you whilst the present only requires your attention.  The present time is where the magic of life happens and time ceases to exist without it.  What are you concentrating your time and energy on? Now is but a fleeting moment so try to appreciate this in all it’s wholeness and beauty.  Things are less complicated when you live in the now and thus a happier place to be.  It’s a process to stay present and still in the moment, but it can be done and I recommend trying to dedicate times during today to really focus on what you’re doing.

Concentrate on the present time so you can lift the weight of the past and live lighter for the future.  You never know what tomorrow will bring. What are you doing right now?

The small things

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates vision for tomorrow” -Melodie Beattie

Be grateful. Easy to do right? Not so much. It’s an endless war on the things that matter versus the things we think matter. What does it mean to be grateful and what are we supposed to be grateful for? People seem to be so focused on what they don’t have that they miss out on focusing on the journey along the way.

Have you ever thought ‘When I have this I’ll be…’ or ‘When I get here it’ll be…’ then when you get there you’re so focused on the next step you forget that this was an achievement on its own?  As humans we do this frequently, we’re quick to take things for granted and we live in a high pressured society where we want and need things now. A quick fix before wanting and needing the next thing that comes along. It’s about the chase and the fleeting feeling of happiness that comes with this quick fix. You will never get pure happiness from these quick fixes and material wants, though, as being grateful and happiness are parallel to each other.

So we come again to the question of; what to be grateful about?  I suggest trying to be grateful for the small things in your life. It is difficult, for example, to be grateful for things you’ve always known as we often take these for granted.  We are reminded daily that others don’t have the luxuries we do, but even then this empathy doesn’t last long and we are distracted once more with our own lives and wants.

To be grateful is to appreciate life and your surrounds, it’s about focusing on the positive aspects to get the best out of what you have. By focusing your energy on the positive things in your life you are less inclined to feel negative, worthless, depressed, angry etc. You could write a list of what you’re grateful for, or even think of one small thing a day. The easiest thing for me is to remind myself there’s always someone worse off. Someone somewhere is battling to live and you’re living freely, so ask yourself if what you’re concerned about is really that important. I’m not saying that you don’t have a right to feel ungrateful or take things for granted, as I believe this is wired into our DNA to a degree, I’m just suggesting you think about what could be stopping you from living a more positive life, by focusing on what is occupying your thoughts.

I was waiting for an example that I could add and of course it came the other night.  I was watching a program on the development of children as I have twin one year olds and they were showing a study on children of similar ages and their development.  The program was on children from all walks of life and a tragic story of a child that had a near drowning experience and was resuscitated and as a result has to live with a hypoxic brain injury.  The stress and strain on this family following the loss of the boy they once knew was incredibly sad.  My husband and I feel grateful for the health and wellbeing of our two children and this was a reminder to us that it’s the small things in life you need to be grateful for.  The boy’s parents couldn’t even smile and engage with their child anymore.  I’m reminded how important health it is in my workplace from my life experience as a nurse, I’ve pretty much seen it all and I remain thankful for my health and my loved ones health.  For me this reminder always helps me to feel grateful for the small things in life and helps put things into perspective.  What these parents would give for even just one more smile from their son.  I encourage you to think outside your life box and look upon life through others eyes, you can learn from what others have and often this helps in your quest to live a positive, thankful life.  You will slip up and you will forget all that you have but if you take a moment a day to look at what you have instead of what is ‘lacking’ in your life I guarantee you will feel more positive and empowered.  Let others be the teachers and help you to search for an appreciation and meaning to your life.

I believe that unless things are taken away or change do we realise what we truly had. Try not to get to this moment and focus on what you’re grateful for today; it’s the small things that count.

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so let us all be thankful” -Buddha

The soul seller.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face”

Eleanor Roosevelt

Do you have things you want to do, achieve, make, practice, sell, write or say? Do you feel something is ‘blocking’ you from living out these goals?  It is this obstruction that is the ultimate soul seller; fear.

Fear is something we all experience to varying degrees, it’s an inspiration destroyer and something that is often given into easily. Fear feeds on our insecurities and the more fear that exists the more insecure and apprehensive you will become.

My greatest fear is surrounding  this blog.  I am afraid of what others might think of it and think of me, which ironically, made me think to write this post.   How am I keeping it under containment? I have had to remind myself that the goal is not to seek approval from others, but to write my thoughts, ideas and suggestions down in the hope that I can reach people to become more positive or inspired by giving them ideas they otherwise may not have thought of.  I don’t have all the tools necessary to lead people down the path of positivity but I hope to offer people the idea to lead themselves there.  It is none of my business whether this indeed will happen, though,  it is merely my duty to plant the seed.

I will continue to neglect the fear that threatens to command me by not feeding it with my own insecurities.  I’m sure it will be an ongoing process, but I have the nerve to at least keep trying.  I dare you today to do the same; tackle your fear head on and find your way of freeing your soul of it.  Perhaps by asking yourself questions like; What is it that I am most fearful of today?  How could I relinquish my insecurities and live in a more harmonious way? What actions do I need to take? You may even come across a solution to help you in your mission to live positively without fear and doubt.  I try to remind myself what it is I want to accomplish as sometimes it’s this repetition that helps us to focus clearly on a task.  Whichever tactic helps you, if you have a greater understanding of what’s blocking you then you may have a better chance of finding the tools you will need to free yourself from fear.  Try removing the block today, try doing something different and you might even end up with a different result that is positive for you.

I will finish this post by adding this quote for you to ponder over…

Revenge is not so sweet…

“When we take revenge against another, we lose some of our innocence”
Patrice Redd Vecchione.

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”
Buddha.

Revenge is a facade; a lookbook into our true emotions and feelings. It reflects negatively on the person seeking it out and only causes us more pain.

We all come across them; unfortunate situations where negative emotions get the better of us and we start to ‘blame’ others for this misfortune. Firstly, it’s not other People’s ‘fault’ how you are feeling or not feeling. We choose our emotions, reactions and actions to situations and other people’s interaction with us, be it negative or positive. It’s not as simple as this, though. It’s easier to ‘blame’ others for how we are feeling because with responsibility comes honesty of emotions and this admittance is often challenging. Don’t be a victim to this negative cycle; if someone ‘wrongs’ you then don’t seek to ‘wrong them’. It is poisonous and a negative way to live your life.

I’m not saying I have all the answers, because I don’t. Some people just aren’t ready to hear this; about ourselves being the master of our thoughts and feelings and that’s ok. I do know, however, that acting in a positive way opens the floodgates to a more simple and carefree life. It’s too much energy wastage to seek revenge on others. It might make you ‘feel better’ on the outside, but honestly do you really? What kind of emotions and thoughts are left after you inflict revenge on a person? This does nothing but cause you more pain and then you have to figure out a way to change this left over anger and such, because, oh surprise (!) the revenge has made you more unbalanced.

What’s the best solution? I say find your own; a distraction maybe? faith in the fact that karma will prevail and indeed dish out the old saying what goes around comes around? dropping it? (dropping it? now this is too hard). I’m not saying everything will be roses and you can go about your day with an enlightened mind and no one will bother you again. It’s a working process; I have to remind myself constantly that I choose what goes on inside my mind. I’m saying to become more aware of the fact that you can learn to control your reactions and actions and this will cause a sense of calm freedom inside your otherwise busy mind. By calming your mind you can choose that revenge will only escalate the problem and cause you more pain. Have faith in the fact that if it’s a disagreement on a matter, then by not seeking revenge you pass the ball of shame onto the other person and you can walk away knowing you did your best to be a better version of yourself.

10 Questions to help rid you of revenge clutter

1. Why is this bothering me?
2. What am I really annoyed (insert any emotion you are feeling) about?
3. What would happen if I try to sort it out with the person?
4. What am I afraid of?
5. What is positive about the situation?
6. What can I learn from this?
7. How can I focus my energy on healing the situation?
8. What would happen if I left it alone and moved on?
9. Can I move on without it bothering me? if no; why not?
10. What do I like about the person? try to find something positive about the person, everyone has positive attributes. This is a good distraction question.

Revenge comes in many forms and is hurtful to both parties. Don’t do any of it! full stop! life is too short to play the victim and blame others for your shortfalls. To revenge or not to revenge? That is the question. Guess what? it’s your choice.

7 Positive rules for life.

I came across these today and they’re a great reminder to those that wish to be reminded, or a new viewpoint for someone that may not have seen these or thought about life in this way. I’d like to add my spin on it and my viewpoints on what I’ve learnt along the way about these ‘rules’ of living…

1. MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST- You cannot possibly focus on the present, which is where the calm lives, if you’re still focused on your past. Yes, the past has shaped us to be who we are today and we’d be lost without it but this is where it ends. Do not focus your energy on things that are gone or people, thoughts and emotions that were yesterday’s dilemma. In my experience if you do this it causes a feeling of anxiety and restlessness that does nothing but cause problems for you in the present time. If you forgive people and situations you aren’t saying that it’s ok, you are just releasing yourself from the burden of carrying this ‘baggage’ around with you like a chip on your shoulder. It’s impossible to be fully present and positive if this ‘chip’ is not removed. By forgiving people and events you can move on to a less complicated reality and focus on what’s really important; the doings of today.

2. WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU- This is one that I personally struggle with. It’s true what they say; it’s none of your business what other’s think of you. You cannot possibly grasp their full reactions and thoughts of you even if they tell you, so why bother making it up in your head. I say this because it’s a form of imagining what the other person thinks of you and this just feeds our own insecurities. You might think others think you are weak, for example, because this is what you think of yourself. Unless someone says ‘you’re weak’ then you have no proof of this. If they say you’re weak, however, you then have the choice to ignore their ‘opinion’ and remember that this is their problem not yours. The point is that even if it’s not coming from your own insecurities and they justify what they think of you and why, then choose to ignore this and leave it in their mind not yours. In regards to strangers and anxiety matters where you may think everyone is looking at you or you are the focus in a situation; more often than not people are too wound up in their own lives, thoughts and feelings to notice. Not saying people are ‘selfish’, but they are generally only focused on their own thoughts and insecurities. Try this as a test it’s actually quite freeing; do something out of the ordinary for you. Maybe even if you’re brave enough sing in public or maybe walk in a different way. I bet you that no one even notices except you and you can have a little chuckle about this and go about your day.

3. TIME HEALS ALMOST EVERYTHING- This is a hard one. I have no real first hand experience on a death of a very close loved one to me yet, so I won’t mention death because I think you are never fully ‘healed’ from losing a loved one, I think you only can get to a sort of acceptance and even then the hurt remains. Lighter (somewhat) subjects like break-ups, losing people and traumatic experiences are another matter. Time helps us to forget the rawness of a situation and come to an understanding and acceptance. At the time you may think it’s impossible to come out of it alive but you will and generally you do. Human nature does not like change, if something is riding along smoothly then why should it change? Learn to embrace change, we do not learn anything when everything is cruising along smoothly and we are ‘happy’ all the time. The learning and/or healing begins when we are faced with challenges and blows from above. This is life and however raw it is today, it will pass to an acceptance level with time.

4. NO ONE IS IN CHARGE- This is very generalised… in charge of what? our lives? our hearts? our ambitions? I think this is related to your own feelings and life. No one can make you do or feel anything, if anyone is in ‘charge’ it’s you. We make our lives what we can, some choose to live an ‘easy’ life avoiding potential heartaches and hiccups along the way. Some are risk takers and do what they need to do to get where they want to be. Everyone has the ability to live the way they choose to. You are in charge of your life and no one else is in charge of it. What do you want to get out of your own life?

5. DON’T COMPARE YOUR LIFE TO OTHERS- I like this one. Jealousy is a nasty disease of the human spirit. I think this goes much deeper than jealousy, but don’t for a second think you have someone ‘figured’ out because you don’t. Humans are so complex and often don’t share with others their true feelings on a matter. It’s very easy to live with the ‘grass is always greener’ philosophy but try not too because it’s your own grass you should be feeding and watering not dreaming of someone else’s. Maybe on the outside from an observer a person may look centred, focused and content, but on the inside is a bombardment of torturous feelings and emotions that are slowly suffocating them. You cannot possibly know what others are thinking and feeling all of the time. Social media is a good example of ‘fake’ lives. People can put whatever they want up and seem to be whatever and whomever they choose to be. We have the ability these days to show ourselves in any light and it’s this seemingly innocent projection that often feeds peoples insecurities to ‘want’ what other people seemingly ‘have’. Don’t do this; focus on your life and living the best version of yourself you can. Life is not a competition but a platform to learn from.

6. STOP THINKING TOO MUCH- Gosh, this is one I need to follow more…partly the reason I am choosing to write stuff down is I think too much. I think it’s ok to ‘think too much’ but it’s more important to focus on what you’re thinking ABOUT. Thoughts can be toxic, especially negative ones. This rule should be ‘stop thinking too much about thoughts that don’t serve you well’. I’m allowed to change it aren’t I? This makes more sense to me. Again it’s a focus thing; if a negative thought or thoughts pop into your head try to change them into positive thoughts. It takes practise and I have had to do this frequently but more often than not these days the positive thoughts generally come in first, or if not it’s a close second. There was a brief time in my life when the positive was far off. I wasn’t depressed as such, just had a hard time with my anxiety levels. Sometimes I still struggle with my anxiety and nervousness but I’m learning to calm down and re-focus and I’m quicker at it these days. It’s important to me to remain positive so I can help others to be positive. If your mind has more negative destructive thoughts I suggest starting off with positive affirmations; on the bathroom mirror maybe? google positive affirmations and you will be inundated with ideas.

7. SMILE- Even if you have to fake it to make it real. The face uses less muscles to smile than to frown. Smile at others and it’s an invitation to connect with them. Gestures and smiles do a world of good and if you smile you will feel better. I’m not saying to go around like a strange (is this strange?) person grinning like you’re in a toothpaste commercial, but try smiling to people more. Do you notice when you’re having a ‘bad’ day no one approaches you or smiles at you and even most of the time engages with you which then causes you to have an even ‘worse’ day? Try this; it’s not easy but try to smile when you’re annoyed about something and see what happens…

Quick as a flash they are gone…

I stopped to pick up some items on my way home from work today and there were some specials on toys. I was contemplating buying some for my children when a stranger approached me and said I looked like I wanted to spend money. I said ‘no’, but that I was just thinking of buying my children more toys only that they don’t need more as they had just had their birthday. She said she still buys things for her girls who are now 20. She revealed that she has twins, so of course this started a conversation about our twins and she told me it gets easier which funnily enough (or not) I was just complaining about my ‘teething twins’ to a paramedic today at work as my husband and I have been having a somewhat difficult time with our ‘teething twins’ of late. A reminder for me that this phase will pass and to be patient.

This is a perfect example of a quick-stir, a quick-as-a-flash person that pops into our lives quickly and then leaves just as suddenly, but they always leave an impression. I’m calling them quick-stirs because they ‘stir’ up emotions and thoughts in us that we wouldn’t have thought of had they not been there to remind us or to tell us. These people pop in and out of our lives when we need an affirmation or confirmation on an issue. If you blink you will miss them, but open your senses to them and you have the ability to learn a great deal. It is these people who sometimes can leave a bigger impression on us at the time then a loved one can. Strangers tell it the way it is, they aren’t concerned they will upset you because they don’t know you. I know not every family member or friend will sugar coat their advice and often you receive honesty from them but they come with a familiar strategy, in that they will always approach something the way they see it and we get used to how people we know like to give advice and how they view the world. People close to us no doubt have the ability to help us and make us think about things more deeply but I think quick-stirs possess the ‘breath of fresh air’ approach in their ability to show us another viewpoint or give us the skills necessary that help to resolve our issues. Now mine wasn’t an issue per se, but it was a reminder that this too will pass like every stage in life. She also added that her girls have a special bond and always look out for one another. She was talking about the twin bond and it’s what I’ve recognised in my own twins and it’s a brilliant reminder on the difficult days that I should be grateful I am able to witness such a bond and be a mother to twins. I’m thankful for this reminder today from the quick-stir I came across to help me to once again put things into perspective.

Quick-stirs, you will recognise, turn up at exactly the right moment when you need to hear or feel a certain way about something. Maybe you read something and then a stranger, co-worker, friend of a friend or a customer ‘happens’ to mention or talk about that very topic causing you to think about things more deeply or invest more time in it. Or you just can’t get to the bottom of a problem that’s bothering you and a random person gives you the tools for you to work it out on your own and move on. It’s along the same lines as ‘signs’ but its more focused on what’s going on in the present time and a timely reminder to stay in that moment, rather than just a mere ‘sign’ showing or telling you to be alert. Quick-stirs will stay with you even if just for a few hours and you remember what they look like and perhaps their words repeat in your head. They also come in a ‘negative’ disguise which may stir you to react in a not so harmonious way. Just remember these are ‘tests’, not like a regular test but a test for your soul to learn and grow, you are choosing this reaction they are not causing it. Just like it’s a choice to notice these influential people who are quickly fast tracked out of our lives, but there for a purpose.

I’ve been thinking today what direction I wanted this blog to take and I’m just going to go with the flow- a bit here and a bit there. By no means is it a ‘self help’ blog just me rambling stuff and attempting to sift through the darkness to find my tone. I hope that I might inspire you to think differently or give you motivation to be a better you. Hey, maybe I’m even a quick-stir! you just never know…

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I think I am in over my head…and then I come across this! there is this kind of guidance everywhere if you open your eyes! and so I will continue to add to this blog even if I’m the only one who reads it.